


The Best Ideas

by Nemesis (ThetaSigma), ThetaSigma



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-28 00:27:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6306529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/Nemesis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/ThetaSigma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Fin go shopping for sex toys and run into someone extremely unexpected. Features flying dildos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Best Ideas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sidewinder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidewinder/gifts).



> For [sidewinder](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sidewinder/pseuds/sidewinder) who gave me the idea to have them run into someone

Fin looked around the store, John standing next to him. They had decided to spend at least part of their tax return on sex toys, and had researched carefully where to go. There was a dazzling array of toys of all kinds around them, stretching on for several aisles.

“Where do you want to begin?” Fin asked, turning to John.

“At the beginning, and go towards the end, of course,” John said practically. He walked over to a display of butt plugs, studying them intensely. 

Fin joined him, raising an eyebrow. “My dick not enough for you anymore, babe?”

John said in a low voice, “I was thinking of fucking you while having in one in me, or vice versa. Fucking and being fucked. Can you imagine it, Fin?”

Oh hell yes, Fin could. _Very_ vividly. In fact, they needed to try it as soon as humanly possible. He grabbed a basket and rejoined John. “Excellent point,” he purred. “One each?”

“Of course, you don’t share sex toys, even if we are clean. Bacterial growth is nothing to joke about, Fin, even if we are scrupulous about cleaning them. Which reminds me, we’ll need sex toy cleaning solution.”

“Soap and water not good enough?”

“Fin!”

“Okay, okay. Let’s pick two out first.” Fin picked one up, imagining it inside him, how it would feel. He wanted one that would feel close to being fucked by John, and with that, he put the butt plug back and chose another one, more carefully. He placed it in the basket and waited for John to make his selection, wondering what criteria John was going by.

John finally picked one and added it to the basket.

They moved on, going swiftly past the vibrators, the lingerie, the dildos, until they reached the cock rings. Fin stopped and looked interestedly. “Ever think about a vibrating cock ring, John?” he asked quietly.

“Not until you mentioned it,” John said. “But, um, yeah, now I am. Wonder how it’ll feel when you fuck me with one of those on.”

Fin swallowed hard. He was wondering that too, and he was glad it was Friday evening, because they had the whole damn weekend to try these toys out. He was pretty sure they weren’t leaving their apartment unless the whole thing caught on fire.

John had already selected two, placing them in the basket, and was moving on towards the bondage materials. Fin followed him, frowning – they weren’t into super kinky stuff, so he was curious what John could possibly be getting from this area.

John was twirling cuffs around on his fingers, blue and fuzzy.

“Babe, we’ve got cuffs.”

“We’ve got _work-issued_ handcuffs we’re supposed to be using to restrain suspects, not tie me to the bed,” John said. “Besides, after a while, they start to dig into my wrists. You don’t like the blue and fuzzy?”

“Nah, got nothing against that. You like the feel? After all, it’s _your_ wrists in the cuffs.”

John tested his wrist in one of them. “Yeah. All soft.” He raised an eyebrow and purred in Fin’s ear. “Means I can struggle more without worrying about marks the next day.”

Fin cleared his throat hurriedly. “In the basket it goes, right now,” he said, somewhat breathlessly. John struggling underneath him, playacting, was turning him on. He spotted the ticklers and grabbed one, brushing it against John’s nose. John laughed and reached for it, but Fin pulled it away, dropping it in the basket. 

Fin looked interestedly at the paddles and whips. John _loved_ being spanked – it was something they did about weekly – and he was curious if he’d enjoy a little extra. John followed his gaze and shivered. “I’m not sure, my love,” John said. “I like it when it’s your hand, but…”

Fin nodded. “I understand.”

John considered the collection, picking up a relatively tame looking whip. He tested it against his arm and his breath caught. He looked at Fin, who looked back at him steadily. “It has to be up to you, John. I’m interested in trying it, but it’s _your_ ass.”

John snorted at that. “Let’s… let’s at least try it. I can always safeword my way out.”

“With no hard feelings,” Fin promised, giving John a quick kiss.

John started wandering back towards the vibrators. “I’m thinking one of these would feel _amazing_ against our prostates,” he said softly to Fin.

Fin made a strangled noise and nodded. “Oh fuck yes,” he said. “John, you have the best ideas.”

“It’s why you put up with all the other ones,” John answered cheekily. He turned several on in turn, testing the strength. “Oooh, I like this one,” he said to one that was threatening to jump out of his hand. “Bet that would feel _really_ nice.”

“Get two,” Fin said in a low, husky voice. 

“I’m getting four, I have a feeling we’re going to wear these out _fast_ ,” John said.

“Like I said, you have the best ideas,” Fin said, pulling John in for a kiss. 

They headed to the counter, unloading their items, waiting for the cashier to come back with boxed versions of the butt plugs and vibrators. They heard the door chime go off as the door opened, but they ignored it, figuring there was no need to stare at the newcomer. An attempt to give each other some privacy.

There was the sound of a throat being cleared behind them, and an extremely familiar voice saying, “Excuse me, I’m here on police business, I need to speak with the cashier.”

John and Fin very reluctantly turned to see Elliot standing there, holding his badge out. Elliot looked at them in shock, then at the counter, where every single item was still laid out, then at them again, his hand with his badge in it slowly falling to his side. Elliot flushed so red Fin honestly thought he was about to have a heart attack, and it didn’t help that John was shaking with silent laughter. Fin was far more embarrassed, especially with all their purchases on the counter, although going by Elliot’s face, his embarrassment didn’t hold a candle to Elliot’s.

“Uh, did the Captain call you two in too?” Elliot asked hopefully, resolutely not looking at the counter.

“Nope,” John said cheerfully. “We’re not on the clock right now, El.” He gave Fin’s arm an affectionate squeeze. Fin glared at John – sometimes the man was a little much, like _right fucking now_.

“Jesus H. Christ,” Elliot said under his breath.

“You couldn’t at least lie and say yes, John?” Fin asked John.

“I’m constitutionally incapable of lying, Fin,” John said sweetly, giving Fin his best innocent look.

“Don’t you give me that bull, it ain’t gonna work after all these years,” Fin snapped. 

Elliot started edging out of the sex toy store, his eyes having fallen to the counter again. He screwed them shut against the image and backed blindly into a display of dildos. They went crashing to the floor, several of them bouncing off Elliot first, and Elliot smacked at them wildly, rubber cocks flying everywhere.

“I thought you had police business,” John said. “What are you doing?”

“I’m, uh, oh shit,” Elliot said, trying to pick up the dildos, each one larger and more unrealistic than the one before. “I’m gonna go now. Yeah. I’m gonna go and get drunk and totally forget about this. _Fuck_.” He had, in his haste, managed to drop half the dildos again, several of which bounced interestingly on the floor. Elliot put his head in his hands and sighed deeply, rubbing at his eyes like it would remove all the images threatening his sanity.

The cashier finally returned with their boxes and stared. “What the hell happened here?” she asked, taking in the scene. “Sir, you can’t just throw around our merchandise like that.”

“I’m the police!” Elliot squawked, pulling his badge back out. “I’m here to ask some questions – oh for fuck’s sake,” he said. He had gone back towards the counter and foolishly looked down. The vast array of butt plugs, cock rings, vibrators, a tickler, cuffs, and a whip, right in front of him, in technicolor, was too much, and Elliot made a strangled noise, looked at John and Fin, flushed even redder, and walked out, muttering about needing an entire bar to forget this.

Fin looked at John and said, “And from now on, we’re ordering online, and that’s final, John.”

“And give out our credit card info and miss this kind of amusement? Besides, now I’m curious what Monday will bring. I’m going with two weeks of redness and silence from Elliot, what about you?”

Fin just shook his head. “Let’s just get home, forget about this, and try this shit out,” he said resignedly.


End file.
